Her Grace Lady Seraphina the Eldritch

Mine is a heart of carnelian, crimson as murder on a holy day.
Mine is a heart of cornel, the gnarled roots of a dogwood and the bursting of flowers.
I am the broken wax seal on my lover’s letters.
I am the phoenix, the fiery sun, consuming and resuming myself.
I pace the halls of the underworld. I knock on the doors of death.
I wander into the fields to stare at the sun and lie in the grass, ripe as a fig.
The souls of the gods are with me. They hum like flies in my ears.
I am. I will what I will.
Mine is a heart of carnelian, blood red as the crest of a phoenix.
the Egyptian Book of the Dead


.

The full archive of all questions may be found here on this page. 

2. The Dark Goddess
1. When I went to school, was I ever taught about the existence of the earliest civilisations, who worshipped a feminine deity?  What was my reaction when I first heard about this idea?  Did I think it blasphemous that in the beginning God might have been a woman?  How do others react to me if I present this idea to them?  If I have heard of the phrase the Dark Goddess, did I associate this with an image of feminine evil?

That would be a very big no.  In truth, I doubt that this information is currently taught in schools.  If so, then I should like to know where so that I could congratulate the forward thinking of those school administrators.  Sadly, I think that I shall not be using my ink, paper, or stamps for such a letter.  When I first heard of this idea, it was a puzzle piece clicking into place.  It made sense and rang a truth deep within me.  It is a path through the labyrinth that I have since been following. 

It makes a certain sense, that the first idea of God as a woman should have been the primal thoughts of humanity.  Before birth was hidden away in the hospitals with sickness and death [yes, leave it to modern humanity to stigmatise life in such a manner], infants were first greeted by midwives and mothers.  It is only as we grow and experience more of life that we learn of masculine forces in life.  Sadly, some are now so thoroughly fixated on God only as father that there are the reactionary views of God only as mother.  God/life/Being transcends gender limitations.  The sooner we learn this, the better.  We need to embrace the positive qualities of both male and female, releasing the negative forces into the cauldron to transform into blessings.

How do others react to this view?  It depends, although I have learned when and where to pick my battles.

The first instance of a dark goddess I encountered was the lore of the Black Madonna's in Europe.  Far from associate them with evil, my curiosity was inflamed and I began to learn as much about them as I could.  In doing so, I came to learn more about the Dark Goddess and the lessons she brings to bear in our lives. 

To me, evil is rooted in willfull ignorance, not the essence of feminine or masculine.  As long as I stay open and willing to learn, hear, witness, and discuss life in all its facets, then evil is kept at arm's length.

Not really. Although, I did revamp the layout and tags for isabel_giovanni. The three column layout is truly appealling to me lately, so I'm running with it until the urge to redecorate once more occurs.

1/2 day at work tomorrow, so I made sure to have everything wrapped up today. Pots are mended, interactive web pages are more interactive now, and all mailings for CNEHA are in the post. Whew.

More than ready for the weekend, though. Only two more weeks of sheer insanity at work and then *knock wood* it will be back to normal insanity.

On the plate for this weekend will be chapter two's questions; or at least getting a good start on them. Been mulling them over in my mind and this is peeking out in the morning pages, but other issues took precidence this week. Knocks wood that I'm getting back on track.

Who would have thought?  I actually accomplished something today at work and felt good about it.  Granted, it was folding information packets about the upcoming CNEHA conference and then stuffing said folded packets into envelopes, but there was a start, a middle, and an end product.  Which, sadly, has also put me in the frame of mind to begin organising my mutating list of tags again.  Not so much a problem on JF, but on IJ, alas, tis unwieldy, especially with the new layout.  I have my 'down-time' project for September now. 

On the health front, I am feeling better.  My cheek is now a lovely jaundice yellow instead of bile green and the swelling is down.  Yay.  My shoulder still gives me twinges and every now and again my hand tingles, both of which are solved by pain killers and compression.  I'm going to give myself a few more days before I get back into the exercising again at lunch and in the evenings.  I like to walk/run at lunch and dance at night, but I know better than to push myself. 

Did not participate in BBTP this year.  Just didn't feel the need to do anything fandom specific or the desire to tart up bits of the originals for this year.  That's all good too, fallow periods are part and parcel of creation, so I'll honour this.  Plus, there's always next year *wink*

Month of September--benign are the planets;
Tending to please, the sea and the hamlet;
Common is it for steeds and men to be fatigued;
Common is it to possess all kinds of fruit:--
A princely girl was born,
To be our leader from painful slavery;
Justly spake Saint Berned,
"God does not sleep when he gives deliverance."

...It's why to be hating on the granddads?

Not a stellar day in the football world. A draw and a loss, but it could have been worse. Although I am currently at a loss [no pun intended] as to how it could be worse than losing to a team that automatically makes me think of lunch meat when I hear their name.

On the knitting front, I have heads! Bobbles are easy to make, just a bit tedious, but knowing that they're the wee little heads for the impaled figures kept me giggling as I made them. At this rate, if I use 1-2 hours a day, each hat'll take 2-3 weeks to make. Rows 13-22 are concentration and time expensive with all the cabling, and then so is making the crown ridge from the five knit bands. Again, I'm still only convinced that this pattern got its rating from the damned provisional cast-on, heh. Then again, I've never tried an applied I-cord, so that might be a bit of a shocker for me. We'll see when we get there.

Sorry, couldn't resist. My, the backlash is whipping up over in HellJay land over adverts. Who knew that breaking someone's layout would garner more concern than say... oh, I don't know... censorship? Even so, I have removed as many external links back to my LJ as I could today. Will make another sweep at work on Tuesday, just in case. Those not logged-in can see my post pointing out that all public content is being posted here. *grin*

Now, to start saving my pennies so I can make my JF account [user name = seraphina] perm.

Parking Problems from a co-worker:

Don’t even ask how I found this website.  Hilarious.

 

http://www.youparklikeanasshole.com/

I am printing a few of these out.

The crochet provisional cast-on worked like a beautiful charm. I am now working on row 13 of the cable band and happily watching the little impaled figures rising from the work. I know that when I make more I won't be using the acrylic yarn I grabbed from my basket [$1 for a huge ball equals a happy investment for knitting experimentation] but a nice slick wool as the pattern suggests; but you know, who wants to use good yarn and then risk having to frog it or ruin it in the frogging. Not me. Meredith wants one, too, and I'm thinking of making ours with pink and blue wool. *sly grin*

Once I get an accurate time frame on how long these will take whilst I do algebra homework patrol [you don't really think I'd be offering tutorial help, do you?], I'll open myself up to taking 'orders'. Orders meaning the cost of the materials if the wool is crazy expensive in the colours you might want a Tepes hat in.

Right. To finish this row [and it is theraputic for my shoulder] and then drag Roberto out to answer.

I just wanted to wave 'hello' and thank everyone for the comments and emails. It means a lot. Slowly things are seeming better, and I'll probably end up rambling about it all later on, anyway. But for now, each day makes life look a bit less daunting.

In other news, last night, I finished my Starbuck's Mandala Hat [only it's red and black for AC Milan] just in time for, or in spite of, the upcoming 08/09 Serie A season. [Photos hopefully forthcoming when the camera batteries recharge] Needless to say, I turned my thoughts to the Tepes hat that my beasties want. Truth be told, I want one too, and so will be using mine as the guinea pig. I am convinced that two sentences have given this hat its Strong Intermediate rating. Here they are: Provisional cast on 108 sts on the circular needle. Join in round, place marker. I have a plan for this and will report success or not *wink*

Writing. It will happen dammit. Isabel is telling me to not push myself. I know her, she's being selfish and wants me better so that I can keep writing for her, bless her devious heart. Roberto, bless him, is casually mentioning things that he could be doing and being a nice muse despite all the crap I dump on his head. He and I will be typing after supper.

NewTricks! OMG on a few points. What a cliffhanger. Esther's cute all dressed up, the Lane heir's a looker himself, Strickland's not quite a total doober, and Brian is out of the fry pan and into the fire on so many levels it's not even funny.

Bonekickers, nope. Still not watchable, even on pain meds.

Chapter Two of Mysteries of the Dark Moon is almost finished being read. I can say with complete honesty that it is opening up blocks and areas that have been stagnating. This is very good and between this work and the morning pages, I am beginning to see patterns that need to be worked on. Re-tuning, as it were, before re-membering will occur.

The questions [as will be seen once I type them up] delve into very personal waters. I reserve the right to publicly discuss these issues in only as much detail as I am comfortable with, and that the deepest discussions will be for myself only in my morning pages.

I seem fated to not watch the film Message in a Bottle all the way through. Not even the delightful Paul Newman could save it for me. I'd seen the last half hour before, and as a neighbour has leant the DVD to us, I thought to watch the beginning and middle last night. I fell asleep instead and woke up around 4 a.m. to a hibernating computer and a, thankfully, blank television screen.

Once more, my bias for actors who can actually act comes to the fore, and I think I might like this film if it had a different leading man cast and not the wooden Kevin Costner. The locations are beautiful, Robin Wright Penn is engaging and charming to watch, and Paul Newman... well, what is there to say? He's amazing as ever.

So, for those things alone, I think that I will try and find the novel and give the story a go that way.

In other news, TGIF.

Congratulations, Team USA.

Ok... *phew*

Last of the insanity over tonight. And, I do mean insanity. The school open house was a zoo... no, wrong word. Zoos are organised and have schedules for the care and feeding of the beasts down to an art form. The reason we didn't have the schedules was because they just finalised them this morning. Get this, heh [this is not my happy face, either] none of the maths textbooks have been delivered. Hello?! This is what I pay taxes for? *looks for crates of tea and a harbour in Boston* Other than that, it was good to meet the teachers and learn that the beastie and beastiette only need a notebook and pen for the first three days, and yes, extra supply lists were given out.

Just finished the latest New Tricks. I have to admit that Brian does have a special place in my heart, and I do cheer for him in his struggles. I hope that the writer's do good by him and let him come out on top of his struggles with his addiction[s].

On the tummy front, feeling much better, thankfully. I can actually focus on reading emails so I can reply and not feeling like... well, never mind. Oh, I am very glad that life will be settling down to mostly predictable again starting tomorrow. I can always enliven it with music, oh yes.

P.S. I am now itching like crazy on the burnt bits. Aaagh!
Isabel is laughing at me and making snide remarks about falling asleep in the sun. Bitch.

Began the first round of shopping for tomorrow last night. That was the good bit, but since it was too late to start supper, decided to eat out. That was the not-so-good bit. I ordered seafood marinara over linguine and I'm pretty sure one of the mussels was off. We got home and by the time I had 1/2 the things put away began to feel green around the gills. Ignored the rest of the organisation, started the NT torrent and went to bed.

Tonight,after the open houses, there will be no dining out.

Today is tea and toast, and mindless folding of invitations for an exhibit opening. It's on the 20th of Sept, and the R.S.V.P. is requested by the 8th of Sept. Why, I ask, did they wait so long to get these posted? Major event! Will involve travel for those of you not inside Maryland, and we're giving you less than a month's notice! Morons...

5. Do I go through anxiety, depression, and periods of darkness in the weeks before my birthday, during the winter holiday season, when I menstruate, or when I am faced with a major change in my security? Have I ever considered that these dark times in my life might be a naturally occurring part of the cyclical process and a necessary period to facilitate regeneration and the birth of something new?

Yes. Don't we all? Even if we can't put our fingers on it. However, yes, I do go through these periods, and I own them now. For a while, I couldn't, because I didn't, or wasn't able, to see the patterns. Looking at myself and how life operates has let me see that these times are normal. They might not be exactly comfortable or soothing, but they will pass.

Serpent wisdom again can help us ride through these times. This dark time is easy to compare to the times when a snake is blind before a shedding of the old skin. When that is understood, it is easier to manage the irritation, self-doubt, irritability, and bleakness. I don't mean that it is easy: some dark periods hurt more than others and last longer than others, but knowing that there will be an end can help sustain us on the journey forward.

Yesterday was dedicated to catching up on the personal pages [including the pagan and author-type aspects] so that I can begin getting caught up with the muse related things this afternoon and evening.

I truly hate unpacking and putting things away, so I had to bribe myself. In doing so, I finally watched the finale for series two of Primeval. OMG! I love to hate Helen. Oh, she's just... oh. Brilliant baddie right there, oh yes. Tristan and I were fair near dancing with indignant agitation at the end. It was wonderful!

Then, the latest New Tricks was viewed. Twice. Okay, they really packed a lot into that one and I'll probably end up watching it again to make sure that I have everything straight. It was very dark, but overall, I though that the writers balanced it well with lighter moments. Of course, the bastards enjoyed teasing the viewers a bit too much, but they need their fun too, I suppose.

Next on the viewing list is Bonekickers. But first, I really should tend to the piles of work related stuff on my desk.

ETA: I will probably not ever be able to watch Bonekickers. It's rare for something to push me into the urge to do great violence to the actors, writers, etc., but this one managed to do it in less than 15 minutes.

Again, all the answers are on one page over here.

3. How do I feel about growing old? Am I afraid of age, or of telling others how old I am? How do I respond when I see old people? Does it make me uncomfortable or panicky? Have I ever been to a nursing home or old age home? Was I anxious to leave?

I'm not too worried about it. I guess that means that I still feel young enough to focus on other things, like living, and not worrying about the inevitable. I'm not ready to take on the mantle of wise crone just yet, but when that day comes, I don't think that I will be mourning anything in my life as 'lost'. As for being afraid to tell others my age, perhaps a bit, because I get the 1] Wow! you look so much younger! What's your secret? or 2] You really should act your age. You're too old to be doing ______. My answers to that are:

1] My secret is that I enjoy life, and olive oil. Plenty inside and out. Best stuff for your skin and a teaspoon a day keeps the innards lubricated. The biggest though, is to enjoy life. Even the bad... it makes the sweet doubly good.
2] Bugger off! Acting young keeps you young, and when I shrivel up and turn into a super-serious, crochety old stick-in-the-mud, just pop me into a pine box and put me out of my misery.

I generally don't freak when I see old people. I don't like those elders that act as if they have earned the right to be mean, petty, bitchy, or act like they are two years old simply because of their calendar age. I will call BS on that and tell them that old people like themselves are why young people have little respect for their elders these days, or that turning 75 didn't magically excuse them from using their manners and common courtesy. The looks on their faces after hearing that are usually priceless. When I see anyone, regardless of age, who needs a helping hand, I will give it, although I will admit that I am more proactive in offering help before I am asked when I see frailer elderly ladies out doing their grocery shopping.

The last time I was in an old age home was when I was doing community service in high school. It was a Catholic school, so we did have to put in some community outreach hours. What a horrible place. It smelled bad and the atmosphere was oppressive and depressing. Contrary to popular belief it wasn't God's waiting room, but more like a preview of Hell. Anxious to leave? Dear heaven, I'd get out of there like the proverbial bat out of hell every time. When I compare those people's experiences to my own maternal grand-mother's [who lived with my mother until day she crossed the veil], I weep for how society just throws away the elderly. Each visit I'd spend hours sitting with her in her room listening to her talk about her life and sharing everything that was going on in my life, how the children were doing in school, and just hanging out to enjoy her company. I really miss those visits when I go back to my mother's now, but I know that if I sit quietly and whisper, that she'll hear me and talk back to me.

4. How do I feel when considering the prospect of my own or a loved ones' death? Am I afraid to die? Do I feel abandoned by the death or loss of loved ones? Can I express my anger and grief, and allow myself to mourn?

Very selfish and child-like stubborn, because I am not currently ready to face the death of any one that I love. Tying into the above answer, my maternal grand-mother lived at home until the end of her time on earth with us. My family knows that she is still with us. We dream, see signs, or hear them, and I've smelled magnolia in places when I'm thinking of her. That was her absolute favourite tree, so I know it's my Nana. The chance to participate in someone's transitioning is beneficial for all involved: it is a healing base that you prepare almost subconsciously so that after you get out the grief and selfish sense of personal loss, all that is left is the good memories and the sense that you are still connected with those you love, just in a different way.

Tragic and unexpected loss, yes, I know that is much different. Knock wood that I never experience it again, because it can shatter families and sometimes the pieces do not get put back together or even picked up.

Am I afraid to die? No. That said, I'm not ready to cross the veil any time soon, either. There's still quite a bit of living that I plan on doing... that I look forward to doing. Yes, that does include seeing my children grown and happy, and the same for my grands. I've got some big shoes to live up to in being a Nana after watching my grandmother and my mother as a grandmother. I want that chance to spoil the little beasties rotten.


P.S. Deco is too cute. Hee.

Home.

*faints*

More tomorrow. <3 to you all.

Happy 20th Birthday, Tristan!

Nineteen years of cake at the beach, and hopefully, many more to come. It is, if I say so myself, one of the best traditions we have. Although next year will be 21 and well, his aunt, uncle, and I can be chaperones as he pub crawls down the Boardwalk. [Not that we behave much better, but strength in numbers, you know... just kidding. We can be adult when pressed to it.]

The weather gods mostly cooperated for the day. Again, sunny and the water was a refreshing 72F [22.2c]. The waves were really good, not as choppy or rough as on Thursday, and we got in nearly a full day at the beach before the thunderstorms rolled on in. Which, though we lost an hour or so in the water, we used to pack up everything not needed for Saturday so we can sleep in and then play a bit on the sand before the trek home.

My mother bribed us to make one last trip to Rita's. It really didn't take much to make us accept, so we toddled off and got our custard & gelati fix.

OMG! Lightning over the water is still cooler than cool and we beat the second round of storms by 5 minutes. Yay, weather gods still like us! Got some more questions typed into an Office doc, so will get to posting those late Saturday, possibly Sunday. Have one more to get typed in and the second chapter to read. It will all come about in due time as it is meant to.

Wow, this queue is getting full. That makes it easier to adjust to coming back from the shore. The wee ones do get cranky, and my beasties begin school on the 20th, so we gave up the next week away to some friends of my mother's who wanted a last minute get away. Maybe next year we'll manage 2 weeks again like we used to when I was a wee beastiette myself. Speaking of my wee beastiette years, I do need to get to the salon and have my eyebrows bleached as taking highlighted hair to the beach for any amount of time turns me back into a towhead. I'm not complaining by any stretch, but as my hair has darkened into adulthood so have my brows. I at least want to pretend to match for a few months. I may or may not dye it light brown at Samhain, that's something I'll mull over as time marches forward.

In other news, BPAL's Tintagel at the beach rocks! Adoration indeed.

Yes, yes, I know that I also have some other things to do, including packages to send out, but that needs to happen this autumn after I get a few things sorted out, which will be *crosses fingers* after I get the beasties back to school. Christ, that's a small fortune in and of itself. *faints*

That lack of juicy waves was remedied fully today. This morning was low tide and they were good. The water was perfect again and it was hot, so of course we just played in the water until it was time for lunch. At least most of the time for me. Abby got some sunscreen in her eye and I did my best to clean it out, but it does sting for ages afterward and she started to cry and wanted her mommy, who was at the store. So I just rocked her and hummed and the little lamb fell asleep on my lap. When Jen and Chris got up to the beach, Jen took Abby and my chest was smeared with snot. Eh, that's why the ocean's there, right? Right.

After lunch, the tide turned and the waves were monsters. Some of them topped me by two feet. The body boarders and body surfers were in paradise! We all pretty much earned round two of the frozen custards and gelati again at Rita's.

Additionally... The Deep Ones worn after a day on the beach is heaven. Pure sniff yourself and squeal in giddy joy bliss.

Oh, and now we are going to have a thunderstorm. I love watching the lightning over the ocean and being able to open up the house for the fresh air. Grabbing a cold brew and sitting on the porch watching just completes the picture beautifully.